Closure
by FebruaryNight
Summary: When we were younger we never talked about it" "Um, you're going to have to be a bit more specific." "Cutting." A story of the unbreakable friendship between Marco and Ellie


**Closure**

*******

"Ellie?"

"Mmm?" Her half smile appeared within the frame of his door, a straw dangling from the corner of her lips, cranberry juice- her lifeline. He brushed a hand back through his hair and gave her a returning smile.

"Ellie, can we talk?"

"Yeah sure, is everything alright?"

She wandered in, in a sort of lazy way, swinging her arms and settling her juice on his nightstand. Ellie's eyes opened just a fraction wider in concern as she sat beside him, smoothing out the new wrinkles she put into the sheets.

"Um, yeah El, it is. This is just something old."

"Oh?"

"We're best friends right?"

She raised an eyebrow, "Yeah, of course we are Marco. You can tell me anything, you should know that."

"You can tell me anything too…" He trailed off in a sheepish manner, one that made her smile and reach for his hand.

"I know," she half laughed, "What's this about?"

"When we were younger, we never talked about it." He looked straight at her, face set in what she had deemed his "no shit" face.

Ellie moved closer, nestling into his side. "Um, you're going to have to be a bit more specific."

"Cutting."

Her hand untangled itself and she moved out of his embrace. Glancing toward his bureau she noticed her old CD case open, its contents spilling towards several mismatched picture frames. The hydrogen peroxide, gauze and razors seemed morbid and out of place and she quickly looked back at him.

"What about it? It was just a stupid teen angst thing."

"It wasn't, I just, I know I'm late- by several years, but I just wanted to talk about it. I wanted you to talk to me about it."

She lay back on the bed and he twisted around to look at her.

Ellie studied the wall for a moment and then the ceiling before sighing, "What would you like to know?"

Marco paused, lying on his stomach beside her, elbows propping him up so he could see her.

"What gave you the idea?"

"I don't know, it wasn't something I had seen someone else do…it was logic I guess."

"Logic?"

"Yeah. At that point in my life everything around me was so tangled that I needed stability, to know that I was okay. So when I saw the blood, it meant I was alive and I was okay."

"That seems so simple…"

"It was. Simpler than trying to sort everything out."

"Didn't it," he paused picturing a fourteen year old girl sitting in her room alone with a compass at her wrist, "hurt?"

Ellie laughed, "Yeah, but it was a more tangible hurt than the hurt I had been feeling, clearer less muted."

He frowned again, a crease forming between his eye brows. "You never told me," he held her gaze, "I'm not finding this conversation nearly as amusing as you are."

"You just have to have a humor about life…you know? Besides your last question was a tad bit funny." She let out a breath, reaching up brush an imaginary strand of hair from her face.

"I guess, you had just come out and it seemed a complicated time in your life. I'd have felt bad if I complicated it further."

"I thought you knew you could tell me anything."

"I did, but I was ashamed I guess."

"You shouldn't be ashamed for having problems. Everyone has them."

"You know, giving advice to me now isn't going to help my fourteen year old self."

"I know," Marco moved to kiss her forehead, "but it's making me feel better."

Silence settled between them, Ellie had closed her eyes tired and Marco stared at the headboard of the bed. Rain started to gently tap across the windows, sporadic, the warning before a downpour.

Marco watched her chest rise and fall, "It was Paige who told me…"

Ellie opened her eyes to look at him for a moment before closing them again. "Oh?"

"Accidentally, she asked me how you were doing and if things had gotten better."

"They had."

"I wish you had told me. Can I see?"

"You've seen before, they're all faded now. If I could go back I would've…told you that is."

He started rolling up her sleeve, "It bothers you, that they've faded?" Marco had always been agitatingly good at picking up the subtleties of her voice.

"Sometimes."

He traced the ghost of one with his finger, his tone taking a sharper edge, "Why?"

"They're reminders of how I've become stronger." Ellie reached down to pull her pajama pants off her hip, "Here too."

"Paige said just your arm."

"I relapsed."

"When?" His fingers now moved across the slightly angrier raised lines below her hip bone.

"When my moms rehab didn't work. You're the first to see them, well besides Jessie, but he didn't know what they were."

Marco's eyes misted as he examined the damage he hadn't been able to stop. Hadn't been given the chance to stop, and his voice quivered slightly. "Have you thought about doing it again? Recently?"

"Craig's coke driven love confession."

"You know how I said you could tell me anything?"

"Yeah." Ellie opened her eyes once more making eye contact before looking away.

"Hey, up here."

She met his eyes again.

"You _should_ tell me everything, because I'll always listen, and I'll always _want_ to listen."

Ellie gave him a half smile, "you're such a big gay."

He gave a soft laugh, "But I'm your big gay," and then more seriously, "Got it?"

"Yeah."

"Sleep here tonight?"

"Yeah."

They settled beneath the sheets together, Ellie fitting her head into the warm space where Marco's shoulder met his neck. He reached up to flick his bedside light off.

"Marco?"

"Mmmm?"

"Tomorrow, let's throw out that CD case."

"The one I found, the one you still have?" his tone came out a little harsher than he had meant it to.

Ellie replied in a whisper, "yeah that one."

He gave her a squeeze, "No El, lets burn it."

*******

**I think Degrassi does a great job at addressing a lot of issues. Cutting wasn't one of their finest. **

**A lot of teens struggle with cutting for a variety of different reasons and it isn't something that one can so easily get over, as the show portrayed. **

**Pulling yourself out of something like this is a struggle, like any other addiction and closure often doesn't come until years later. **

**To find out more about cutting and the battle against it google "To Write Love on Her Arms" and join the cause, just be a supporter on facebook or find your own way to help win the battle. You needn't be a survivor to make a difference. So go on and help out. **

**Love Always, **

**FN**


End file.
